36. The Hunt for a headless body in Zoo Lake – Jo’burg...the G-Men keep shtum.

It was at the rock venue called the 'Fire Station' that we met up with the G Men, Johnny Kongos’ backing group. I remember the drummer’s name was ‘Doc’ and there was a Welsh bass player I think went by the name of Welsh Jack.

Anyway, one night after a session we were sitting round drinking when someone mentioned that a headless body had been found in Zoo Lake...

Zoo Lake was a large man-made lake fifteen minutes from the centre of Jo’burg.

I'm guessing we must've had a couple too many because we decided in our inebriated wisdom to try and find the head and reunite it with the body...well Lea, me, Mac, Doc, and Welsh Jack did, our singer Jack and Frankie didn't.

For some reason and again this points to excessive alcoholic consumption...we thought the prospect of reuniting the head with the body was hilarious...the funniest thing imaginable.

Chortling away we drove to Zoo Lake, scaled the perimeter fence and dived-in fully clothed.

Cold water has a sobering effect on even the most inebriated and within a few minutes we started to have misgivings, least ways I know I did. Ironically the cold water poured cold water on our little adventure. Hilarity had been replaced by acute foreboding. The prospect of actually coming face to face with a headless torso – for want of a better phrase – was horrifying.

Just as we started wading ashore, two police cars, siren blaring, roared out of the night and drew up beside the lake. We immediately ducked back in the water and hid amongst some reeds.

Someone had obviously reported us to the police who began working their way along the edge of the lake sweeping the surface with their torches.

It was at this moment we discovered all those movies where a fugitive would break off a reed, leap into a river and hide under water using the reed as a makeshift snorkel was just so much hokum. It just doesn't work. Reeds are not tubes with single hole running its length.  It's compartmentalized, made up of a series of separate hollow compartments. You can suck on a length of reed with such ferocity your cheeks and eyeballs disappear down your throat but you won’t extract any air. We know this to be a fact because we all tried and almost drowned.

Thankfully the police didn't hang around too long and left. We waited five minutes to make sure the coast was clear before clambered soaking wet from the lake.

We couldn't remember where we parked the combi so Doc and Welsh Jack who lived nearby said they’d walk home and left us to try and locate the van. 

The story of our ‘Hunt for the Headless Body’ would have ended there if the police who were coming to the end their shift hadn't spotted a line of wet footprints on the pavement adjacent to Zoo Lake. 

They followed the soggy trail and picked up Doc and Welsh Jack who were charged with breaking into the park, swimming in the lake and being drunk and disorderly. Although questioned as to who they were with when these misdemeanours were committed, in the true ‘espirit de corp of rock musos’ they remained shtum. Good on ya G Men.